Friday's post (Wanted: Life GPS) was an eruptive culmination of the 100s of thoughts and feelings racing through my head. I go back and read it now and feel like it's a crock pot of thoughts, all thrown in and simmering to make something out of it. But I keep reading it over and over and it really doesn't explain how I got to that point of mental frustration. Funny enough, that same frustration is what motivated me to start writing again and finally launch this blog after months of hesitation and trepidation.
I know everything happens for a reason - sometimes we don't always see the reason right away and sometimes God likes to keep teaching the same lesson to make sure we've learned it, but also to remind us that we are strong enough to keep moving forward. I recognize that I'm at this confused and frustrated state in my life for a reason - everything up to now has happened to help prepare me for the next step.
What is my passion? What fuels me? What is missing that leaves me feeling emotionally empty?
These are questions that have been plaguing my mind all weekend. My frantic and lucid Friday was ironically just a step in the right direction. And I realized that now, and only now, was it the right time, the right part of my journey, for me to finally seek out what truly gives value and purpose to MY life.
I've been fortunate to meet two individuals at different stages of my life who have inspired me in different ways. They are each incredible human beings who have believed in something and have changed their lives completely, simply to follow their individual passions. I applaud their devotion and sacrifices they've made to be true to themselves and follow their hearts to where they truly belong and towards what they love most. And I look at them and think, "I want that! I need something in my life that drives me so vehemently and innately like that!" I can only hope to find something to be so passionate about that will hopefully not only drive me but guide me through my life. Starting this blog and finally writing again is my first step in my search for that passion.
I know these two people came into my life for an exact purpose. Unfortunately for me, these same life passions also led these two people out of the country for different reasons. And although I have an esteemed admiration for both and will continue to look to them for inspiration, I have a love/hate relationship with each. One individual paralyzed my heart yet taught me lifelong lessons about myself, love and strength. The other, which I believe, was a complex gift that I was meant to receive at this exact moment in my life to help me question everything that I know, believe and trust, and push me to a point of self-discovery. Yes, it has left me completely lost and confused... but I'm grateful for that push and welcome it with an open heart and open mind.
I dedicate this post to my two inspirations. To Julian - thank you for your unconditional love and teaching me so many life lessons and inspiring me to become a better person. To Matt - thank you for your chicken scratch notes for my blog, the inspiration to write again and your undying hope for humanity. Thank you both for inspiring me in ways you'll never understand. I know you each came into my world for a reason and I am eternally grateful for the role you played in my life.
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