Living on a rock in the middle of the Pacific

On the days when we remember that we live near the beach, we go outside and this is our view:

Not too shabby right?  When people ask us how we like living here, it's hard to be humble about living in paradise.  We drive down the coast or quietly sit and watch the sun set over the water, I ask Randy, "can you believe this is where we live?"

But don't be fooled by the pretty colors.

Life on a tropical rock has it's share of problems, too. Yes, it is like being on vacation every day and I realize I don't have room to complain.  But there are some unique things that make life here, life.

Nature:

A) "RAAANDYYY!!!"

That usually means one thing: I just found a cockroach.

Cockroaches are the norm here.  Randy has a hat with a cartoon picture of a cockroach with the caption, "Hawaii's state bird."  And it doesn't matter how Spic & Span clean your house may be... they will make cameo appearances no matter what.

Now, the louder I yell, typically indicates the status of its well-being.  "Randy, there's a friend over here" simply means, there's a dead cockroach on its back.  "RAAANDY!!!" is code for he needs to come deal with the small pterodactyl.  For Randy's last birthday, I gave him a Critter Catcher which we found only works in this first scenario because if it's still alive:

• there's a possibility that it will FLY away (just the other day, I thought a small bat had flown into the house)
• the cockroaches here are too big and won't fit in this little contraption

Also, because they're so big, we don't really kill them because dead cockroach guts make a huge ugly mess that no one wants to clean up.  So if possible, we'll Randy will trap it in a cup and carry it outside, usually squirming and yelling (Randy, not the cockroach.)

B) Mosquitos

These little buggers LOVE me. We went to an outdoor function a few weeks ago.  By the time we left, I had about 14 bites; 6 were in the first five minutes.

This past winter, we had unusually long stretches of rain which made for perfect breeding conditions for these little f*ckers.  If I heard one buzzing around at night while in bed, I would hide under the sheet, choosing the uncomfortableness of sleeping in my own sweat rather than relinquishing my blood as sacrifice.

I can't leave the house without sunscreen and bug spray. So I'm usually a greasy, sunscreened, DEET-smelling hot mess.  Attractive, I know.

C) Geckos

Cockroaches are aren't the only critter variety that we share space with on the daily.  I see no less than three geckos in my house every day; one fell on me while watching TV.  I've never moved off a couch so quickly in my life.  Now if they would just EAT said mozzies, that would make them more welcome.  But they don't seem to listen when I yell "go do your job!" as they scurry across my ceiling.

D) Random wildlife

• Chickens: they're everywhere - the parking lot of the market/ Costco, side of the road, walking to the gym. 
• Squirrels: they're not cute and furry here.  I call them eel squirrels because they look like eels with small little legs
• Cats: like the chickens, there are feral cats all over the Turtle Bay property.  Randy feared that we almost had a new pet a few weeks ago when one showed up at our door.  

E) Birds

Ok, how can birds be annoying, you ask.  Well at 6:13 on a Sunday morning, they are definitely a pain in my arse.  Especially these birds, which I refer to as the CP-30 and R2-D2 birds, who have a daily conversation outside my open bedroom window in this odd, tech-tronic chirping manner.  And for those who know me, disrupting my slumber is never a good idea. 

F)  Other random bug-related issues:

• the snails here are huge; I think they're on steroids
• frogs come out at night on the golf course next to us and we almost stepped on them walking home
• last week after the rain, when there were no trade winds, we had to walk through a cloud of gnats.  Randy was wearing about 50 dead gnats on his shirt while walking to the beach
• I have been thinking of wearing ear plugs at night, in fear that one of the 5 random bugs that live in my house will crawl in my ear while sleeping.  I was told at our local urgent care that is way more common than you would imagine. #NOPE

Proximity to anywhere:

We live in what is considered the country, about an hour or so outside of Honolulu.  We've learned that even though we live on a small-ish island, everything is "far." Granted, where we live on the North Shore, there is only a 2-lane highway to get in/out.  Add the visitors in their rented minivans, convertible Mustangs, Jeeps and the countless tour buses to the equation, and that makes for a mess of a commute anywhere you go, at any time of day.

There is a stretch of highway near Laniakea Beach, aka Turtle Beach, where tourists will stop to park and cross the highway to the beach, which in turn, backs up traffic for sometimes miles.  When this happens, it can take about 40 mins to drive the 9 miles off the North Shore. #damnturtles

I mentioned in my previous post that I have family here on the island who I was very excited to spend more time with...I think we've been there twice to visit in the last 8 months.  And they know they're always welcome to visit us, too.  But they will say, it's far. I get it.

Miscellaneous first world island problems:

Humidity:

• I'm always sweating. I've gotten used to taking two (usually cold) showers per day.  And on those occasional three-shower days, you get used to the damp towel waiting for you.
• When it's really humid, our hardwood floors become damp and slippery.

Grocery shopping:

• I miss Trader Joe's.  Randy laughs at this but I think I simply miss the convenience of it. And the variety of snacks.   
• I had visions of grandeur that I'd cook for Randy all the time once we moved.  Costco is an hour away, shopping is expensive at the local market and good luck finding everything you need there.
• One market is closed on Sundays.  And they don't sell alcohol.

All in all, these are hardly things to complain about - but on those days, after your third cold shower, and you're doused in bug spray and you just sat in turtle traffic for an hour... you often miss the 10 different types of restaurants within a mile of an air conditioned house with a pantry full of Trader Joe's snacks.